Gadding with Goats
by AgiVega
Summary: Albus' brother Aberforth had been practicing improper charms on a goat. What kind of effect did this have on poor Albus' life? Find out!
1. chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **certainly all the HP characters and locations belong to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. I'm only borrowing them. The title of the story also originates from a Lockhart book title made up by JKR: _Gadding with ghouls_. I just 'adjusted' it to this story.

**A/N: **this story starts with an outtake from chapter 21 of The Greatest Enemy Ever Faced, the third part of my trilogy here on ffnet. **To those who have not read it**: Albus' brother Aberforth has married Minerva. Aberforth has a great-granddaughter called Julie (he had been married once to a woman called Michelle before Minerva, but had got divorced). That's all you've got to know in order to understand this little ficlet.

This story consists of three chapters, you'll get one chapter a week.

**Thanks to my wonderful betas**: mum, Sienn and Indigo Ziona! You're great, girls!

Warning: this story is totally crazy! (But blame my mother for it, it was her plot bunny (plot goat;)

HAPPY APRIL'S FOOL'S DAY, and watch out for the pranksters, you may never know when they want to play a trick on you! 

Gadding with goats

Chapter 1

_1st April, 2012_

"I hope Minerva is feeling better," I told my brother as we walked out of the staff room. Minerva was having a bad case of the flu.

"Well, she is feeling a bit better… but she'll continue having this sickness for a while, I fear, Albus," Aberforth said with a dramatic sigh.

"Why? Cannot Poppy just cure her with some Pepperup Potion?" I asked, taking a sip of hot chocolate.

"I fear Pepperup Potion cannot do anything against morning sicknesses," Aberforth replied, looking devastated.

"What?" I spat out the mouthful of hot chocolate I was just about to swallow. "Arrrgh, my beautiful beard!" I cursed, trying to wipe the warm brown goo off it. In my surprise, I even forgot that I could have performed a simple cleaning charm. "Minerva… pregnant???"

"Well… yeah," Aberforth seemed to be thoroughly embarrassed. 

"But… at her age?????????"

Minerva was walking upstairs from the library, carrying several huge books.

"Ah, Minerva, already out of the infirmary?" I joined her with a jovial smile.

"Yes, Albus. Why, should I have wasted my whole day there?" she replied indignantly. "I've got to prepare for tomorrow."

"I… I think you should have stayed a bit longer in the hospital wing, Minerva, just to make sure that you're okay. And why on Earth are you carrying such heavy books? You shouldn't!"

I reached out and took the pile of tomes out of her arms. "I'll carry them for you."

Minerva shrugged. "If you think so. Would you please take them up to my study and place them on my desk? I still have to go and discuss the plan of work with the Prefects for the next week and for the duration of the Easter holidays as well. Oh, and of course I've got to arrange a staff-conference about the tournament…"

"No, no, no, dear Minerva, I insist that you leave these things to another time and have some rest. Go up into your room and lie down a bit."

"But, Albus, these things have to be done! And who else would do them? It's always been my task to arrange things like these! What would become of Hogwarts if I started neglecting my duties?"

"I'm not concerned about Hogwarts, Minerva, but I'm concerned about you. Your health. You have to rest a lot, in your condition."

She rolled her eyes. "Madame Pomfrey said I could continue working without any problem. And that I will do."

"But… Minerva! How can you be so selfish?" I shouted, scandalised.

"Selfish? Albus!" she hissed, ripping the books out of my hands. "I'm having the school's best interests at heart, and you call me selfish!"

"Yes, because you don't care for that child at all!"

"Which child?" she blinked.

I blinked, too. "Wow… _twins_?"

"What?" she knitted her eyebrows.

"Your child, Minerva!"

"You mean, Julie? She's like a granddaughter to me, Albus, and I have no idea why you think that I don't care for her…"

"I'm not talking about Julie, I'm talking about the baby you are carrying!"

She dropped the books. "What… what are you talking about?"  

Suddenly Peeves appeared through a wall, wearing a pink-orange striped jester's hat, howling at the top of his lungs: "Happy April Fool's Day to everyone!"

For a couple of seconds I was only standing there, dumbfounded, understanding dawning on me. In the next instant:

"ABERFORTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Five minutes and a black-eye-to-Aberforth later I was trying to calm myself, taking deep breaths.

"I can't believe that you've done it again," I growled at my brother who was nursing the black eye on his right eye.

"Again?" Aberforth look at me.

"The April Fool's Day's joke," I murmured. "You've had me on again, while at your wedding you promised that you'd never play another trick on me!"

"Correction, bro, I said I'd try to refrain from it," Aberforth replied.

I gave him a contemptuous look. "You know, you're loosing your touch…"

"Am I?" my brother frowned. 

"Yeah… this joke didn't even come close to your other one."

"But you still believed it," Aberforth grinned painfully (his black eye must have hurt a lot).

"Yes… I believed it," I sighed. I believed it just like I had believed my dear brother's first, really nasty joke 115 years earlier…

* * * * *                                  * * * * *                            * * * * * 

I remember that day as though it had been yesterday. It had been a particularly beautiful day with clear blue sky, bright sunshine and enchanting birdsong. It had been the first really warm day that spring… the spring of 1897.  I had just turned fifty (for a wizard fifty years is no age, I looked like a Muggle in his mid-twenties) and my brother Aberforth had turned thirty-five (in Muggle terms fifteen at most, and he also behaved that way: totally childish.) This story is the result of something that this totally childish brother of mine did on that beautiful spring day in 1897…

At that time, I was courting a girl called Rebecca Dawson. She wasn't exactly pretty, but she was very witty and quite nosy – she was interested in everything from the mating habits of red ants to the mating habits of our poor Minister for Magic. She was eager to spread gossips about everyone – especially the family of the Minister. Who knows where she inherited this nosy nature of hers? Well, the point is that I liked her, together with all her bad traits. I wouldn't say I was in love with her, but I liked her cleverness and readiness to make a witty remark on everything and everyone. At that time I didn't suspect that later on I would hate this kind of behaviour.

Some weeks before that fateful spring day, I proposed to Becky and she gladly accepted. We wanted to get married over the summer and she started organising the wedding with great ardour, having no idea that something would occur – or rather some_one _would occur.

And this someone was Amelia.

One day before that fateful spring day I was to accompany my Becky to the Hogsmeade railway station, for she was about to leave for Paris to visit her Aunt Genevieve who would help her pick a nice wedding dress (Becky insisted on wearing a dress after the latest Parisian fashion).

On the railway station we said goodbyes to each other – Rebecca didn't look sad and neither was she tearful like a young fiancée should be when leaving her husband-to-be for a whole month. She said she'd miss me, and I said I'd miss her, but somehow I felt that neither one of us spoke from our hearts. We liked each other and regarded our engagement as something 'rational', as something that our families expected from us, but I don't think she was in love with me, and I for one definitely wasn't in love with her. She was someone to respect for her cleverness, but not someone to feel boundless love for. 

She complained about the long journey to Paris: train from London to Dover, ship from Dover to Calais, then again train from Calais to Paris. "I'll be bored to death!" she sighed with a painful expression, but I knew that her main problem would be the lack of gossips to spread, or the lack of people to spread gossips to.

"You know what, sweetie?" I said. "The best cure against boredom is reading. Here, take this book, I have just finished reading it for the fifteenth time, I'm sure you'll also like it." When I was just about to hand her my favourite book, a familiar voice called out to me:

"Hey, brother, is that the good old Notre Dame again?"

I looked up to see Aberforth approaching with a wide smile. "What if it is?" I crossed my arms. My fiancée was just about to leave me alone for a whole month, so I wasn't in any mood to listen to my dear brother's teasing.

"I just never thought you'd let anyone touch that book beside you," he shrugged. "You know," he turned to Rebecca, "Albus here has never been as protective of anything as he is of this book."

"Really? Not even of me?" Becky raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, don't even listen to him," I waved indignantly and gave my brother a 'sod-off' stare. But he just wasn't about to leave us alone.

"Come on, Albus, don't pretend that you haven't read this book forty times!"

"Just fifteen!" I snapped.

"Anyway, Becky, you should have seen good old Albus when he used to read bedtime stories for me! He kept reading me this stupid book!"

"It – isn't – a – stupid – book!" I growled.

"Not stupid?" Aberforth grinned. "That Esmeralda got hung and she actually died! She was said to be a witch and sentenced to death! Now come on, Muggles used to burn supposed witches at the stake, not hang them! And you know, Becky, who his favourite character of the whole Notre Dame of Paris was?"

I sent my brother a 'shut-up' stare. Rebecca shook her head.

"Well, it was Djali, the goat! Esmeralda's goat!" Aberforth laughed. "Albus kept gushing how terrible it was for that poor little goat to lose her owner after Esmeralda got hung! He kept making up theories about what had happened to Djali after Esmeralda died! And when I told him that she probably got fried and eaten by Claude Frollo, he yelled at me 'Frollo is also dead, you idiot, and don't you dare insult poor Djali!'"

"I said enough of this, Aberforth," I grunted through gritted teeth, my fists clenched. If the train's funnel hadn't started whistling and sending puffs of smoke into the air, indicating that it was about to leave the station, I think I would have punched my dear brother. This way, however, I just helped Becky jump up the stairs and heave her luggage into the train.

Next day – that fateful spring day - I had one class in the morning to teach. After that class I decided to go for a nice walk in Hogsmeade and buy some 'welcome-back' presents for my Becky, although I knew she wouldn't return for a whole month. Strange, that even if I wasn't in love with her, I was starting to miss her only one day after she had left. 

As I was heading for Honeydukes, I spotted my brother coming out of the Hogsmeade railway station with a woman. Seeing my brother twice in such a short time was unusual, and the way he was grinning should have made me suspicious.

"Hello, Albus," Aberforth waved at me, beckoning me to him and his companion. "May I introduce to you Michelle's second-cousin Amelia?" Michelle was Aberforth's wife.

I looked at the girl standing next to him, and I felt my knees buckle. She was beautiful, and she was smiling! I had never really seen Rebecca smile at me like this, although we were engaged, and this woman… this _goddess_ was smiling at me with those cherry-coloured lips, her sky blue eyes sparkling in the morning sunshine. Her blond hair came in curls down onto her bare shoulders (mind you, wearing a dress that showed your shoulders at the end of the 19th century required a great deal of courage – or stupidity?). She was wearing a blood red dress and a sexy little lopsided hat also in deep red colour. 

"Er… nice to meet you, Amelia," I said (damn, my voice was quivering – something that hadn't happened to me since I had been a first year student at Hogwarts and got detention from a Potions teacher whose manners strongly resembled that of our Severus). Why on Earth was my voice quivering? I felt like kicking myself and shouting at myself 'Get a grip, Dumbledore!' but I knew it wouldn't help… I was in love. It was love at first sight and it assaulted me like a sudden thunderstorm in the middle of a prairie where I couldn't hide from it… I got soaked from this storm of love.

She didn't reply, just giggled into her hands. Interesting, I thought, that her giggle reminded me a bit of a goat's bleating… but then again, everyone laughed differently - one of my grandmothers, for example, sounded like a hissing cat when she sneezed… if people could sneeze like cats, then they also could chuckle like goats, couldn't they? Er… chuckle like goats? Could goats chuckle at all? I meant giggle like the bleating of goats… or what? I was getting seriously confused.

"Er…" I finally found my voice again, "I had no idea that Michelle had a second-cousin… and such a charming one!"

Amelia chuckled again, her blue eyes glinting joyfully.

"Um… where does she come from?" I asked.

"From, er… Liechtenstein," my brother replied.

"Liechtenstein?" I blinked. I had never met anyone from Liechtenstein. "Is it nice there, Amelia?"

She cocked her head in a strange way, trying to convey some message that I didn't understand.

"Er, she cannot answer, Albus," my brother said. "She's mute, the poor thing."

"Oh…" I breathed. What a pity, I thought, that such a charming girl couldn't express herself with words – I was sure that if she could speak, her voice would be mellifluous… it didn't even occur to me that if she could giggle (and she had giggled twice before) then she wasn't supposed to be mute… or perhaps she could only produce a bleating-like sound, because her vocal cords didn't allow her to produce any other sound, let alone form sensible words… well, I didn't really care for making up theories about mute people being able to produce any kind of a sound - I had somehow lost my common sense and ability to suspect deceit… I was blinded by love.

"But she understands English, doesn't she?" I asked.

"Well, yes, of course she does," Aberforth nodded his head. "Most children are taught to speak English in the town she comes from…"

"And what is that town called…?"

"Er… Walter von der Vogelweide," replied my brother.

I wanted to remark that it was a funny name for a town, but then I thought that there were even funnier German names for places, Mecklenburg-Vorpommern being my favourite.

Amelia, hearing the name of her town, smiled sweetly (she must have been a patriot). When I saw her smile, I felt like Apparating to Paris to tell Becky that the wedding was cancelled, because I had just met the true love of my life. But then Aberforth spoke up:

"You know, Albus, Amelia came to visit Michelle, but she hadn't suspected that Michelle wouldn't be here." (Michelle was in America, also visiting relatives). "And you know, I cannot put Amelia up for the duration of her visit… our house is just being renovated, and it wouldn't be a proper place for a lady like her, don't you think, bro?"

I had to agree with Aberforth: Amelia The Beautiful Angel couldn't live in a house where she could get smudged by painting trickling down the walls, or where she couldn't take a nice nap in the afternoon because of the architect wizards hammering on the roof all the time…

"But… where could she live, then?" I asked hesitantly. Hogsmeade didn't have a pension back at those days and we didn't have other relatives with whom she could lodge…

"Well, then… only one chance is left, old boy," Aberforth said with a mischievous grin, "she'll have to live at Hogwarts until my house is ready and Michelle returns from The States."

"At… at Hogwarts?" I stammered. "I doubt that Headmaster Snape would be overjoyed by the idea of me taking a foreign lady to the castle… you know how utterly paranoid and hostile he is towards foreigners since he got seduced by that vampire witch from Transylvania…"

"You mean that charming black-haired lady?" Aberforth chuckled. "I still don't understand what that pretty vampire woman saw in Snape… but it was really nasty of her to seduce him then disappear, and nine months later send little Sylvester back to his daddy to bring him up…"

"Oh, yeah, that was really mean of her," I agreed. Poor Severus never got to know that his grandmother was a vampire who had left her son – Severus's father - because she didn't feel like bringing him up. I'm not even sure whether Severus is aware that his grandfather had once been headmaster here at Hogwarts… even less does he know that in my childhood I pretty much got the creeps from his granddad. No wonder that he turned out the way he did… with such an ancestry, he couldn't have turned out any other way.

But, let's get back to our story with Amelia, the charming mute witch from Liechtenstein.

"Well, bro, you know… that old bat of a headmaster doesn't need to know that Amelia's at Hogwarts…" Aberforth winked at me. "You don't need to give her an own apartment, she'd be all right in yours, it's quite roomy, isn't it?"

"But… but… having a lady in my… apartment? She surely wouldn't want to…" I stuttered, casting a sideways glance at Amelia. She cocked her head again (she looked extremely sweet that way) and smiled at me.

_I took that as a yes._

Becky, sitting on the train and travelling to her Aunt Genevieve to discuss the details of the wedding got forgotten, and no one else existed, but Amelia…

"Er… I think you forgot to tell me her family name," I turned to Aberforth.

"What?" he blinked.

"I mean, she is Amelia… Who?"

"Er… that's right, brother, she's Amelia Who," Aberforth nodded. "I never knew you could guess names so brilliantly!"

Aberforth calling me brilliant should have been suspicious enough, for he has never done such a thing before, but in that hazy-and-clouded-with-pink-mist state of mind I didn't suspect anything. I should have found it suspicious that someone in a German-speaking country would have an English name, or that someone who was supposedly mute could giggle, but at that moment it really didn't matter – all that mattered was that I was head over heels in love with Miss Amelia Who from Walter von der Vogelweide.

So, I offered Miss Who my arm and she willingly took it. I was supposed to 'smuggle' her into the castle, but on our way up to the winged-boars sitting on the gate, I wanted to show her the sights of Hogsmeade. Then I caught myself not _showing_ her the sights, but _looking at_ the sights myself: Amelia's eyes, Amelia's hair, Amelia's hands, Amelia's cleavage, Amelia's cleavage, Amelia's cleavage… whew, did she have a nice cleavage!

But, she didn't seem to notice how unabashedly I was staring at her half-exposed chest, she seemed to be enjoying the walk across the lawn from the village to the gate. 

* * * * *

Luckily all students and teachers were at classes and no one was strolling on the corridors when I led Amelia up to my room. I felt a bit awkward about taking a woman to my quarters, but she didn't seem to mind. As we walked along the corridors, up the moving staircases, she seemed to be gawping at everything, as though she had never seen coats of arms, suits of armours and torches in brackets in her whole life. _Funny… did people in Liechtenstein not have medieval castles at all?_ – I wondered. 

Suddenly I heard some caterwauling from a near corner – it was getting louder and louder. Peeves, damn him, was approaching, holding some sack and singing a very rude song that made me blush – however, the woman next to me seemed to be enjoying it, as though she had never heard anyone sing before. Strange…

I yanked Amelia behind a suit of armour to prevent the poltergeist from seeing us. I didn't want him to go to Headmaster Snape and tell on me hiding a woman in my room, or I'd find myself out of Hogwarts before I could say Spediteurübernahmebescheinigung (my other favourite German word). I thought that perhaps I could sometimes mention German words in order to dazzle Amelia with my German knowledge (that consisted of about five or six mile-long words that I found so funny I just had to learn them). However, neither the time nor the place was appropriate for dazzling Amelia with my knowledge of her language, because Peeves was still around, spilling a sack of peas on the floor, so that people would slip on them.

After the poltergeist departed with the empty sack, I tentatively rose from behind the suit of armour, placing my leg on a small spot that wasn't covered with peas. I was just about to turn around to warn my companion to be careful about where she would step, but I was a second late, and she had already stepped on a pea and slipped. Thanks to my Quidditch-trained reflexes, I managed to catch her before she fell. For some moments I just held her, she was clinging to me, and we were gazing at each other's eyes. Holy chocolate frogs, did I feel like kissing her then!

With a great effort I reminded myself of being engaged to Becky Dawson, as well as being entrusted to take care of this wonderful, fragile beauty in my arms… I wasn't supposed to 'damage' her in any sense, now was I? And I was perfectly aware that if I started to kiss her, I'd very likely not be able to stop – something that I couldn't say about Rebecca. Kissing Becky was okay, but nothing too special.

So I just drew back and guided her towards our destination.

"Well… Miss Who, this is my room that will be placed at your disposal until my brother's house is fully built," I told her five minutes later. "I know it's not much, but I'll do everything in my power to make your stay as comfortable as possible."

However, Amelia didn't seem to be listening to me: she seemed to be occupied with posing in front of a mirror hanging on the wall and giggling in her usual bleating manner. Come to think of it, I started to like the way she laughed, it was strange, but funny. Pity that she couldn't form sensible words with those beautiful lips of hers…

When she saw in the mirror that I came closer, her eyes widened, and she turned around to look at me, then look back at the mirror, then back at me again. Suddenly a huge smile spread on her face and pointed at me, then at the mirror, then at herself and the mirror again.

"Yes, you can see yourself in it, as well as me," I nodded, amused by her fascination at something as common as a mirror. Did people in Liechtenstein have no mirrors at all? I didn't dare ask, perhaps I'd hurt her feelings.

Then she spotted my bed. Her face lit up with joy and ran up to it, flinging herself into it. In the next instant she was thrown back into my arms.

"I wanted to warn you, Miss Who: I've magically boosted the bed's springs so that they dump me out of bed every morning at six o'clock. This is a good method against oversleeping, you know," I winked at her. "With your bouncing you have activated the magic springs. Next time try and lie on the bed more gently."

Amelia, however, was laughing – bleating – again: she must have found this 'getting-kicked-out-by-the-bed' experience very funny. I realised that I was holding her again, very close to boot. Damn, if this continued like this, I would have bedded her by sunset. Not that the idea wasn't alluring, but she didn't seem the type of girl who'd appreciate being 'attacked' by a sex-deprived male like that… or would she? She didn't seem too eager to disentangle herself from my embrace, so it had to be me again who stepped back.

Then it struck me: if she was about to sleep in my bed, then where on Earth would _I_ sleep? The other thing that struck me was: if I married Becky and we got to do… um… things in the bed, would we activate its magical springs? I just didn't feel like finding myself and my new bride flying out of the bed in our wedding night… oh well, that was something to deal with later on. Now my number one concern was Amelia, not Becky.

* * * * *

Shortly after we arrived at my room, it was lunchtime and I got pretty hungry. I supposed that my charming guest must have been hungry too, but I knew that I couldn't just take her down to the Great Hall to have lunch, because anyone could have seen her there (Headmaster Snape included). Smuggling her down to the kitchen to ask the elves to serve her would also have been risky in broad daylight. If only I had an Invisibility Cloak! But no, I hadn't. At that time I hadn't even learnt how to become invisible without a cloak…

But luckily I had learnt how to conjure food out of thin air, so I decided to give Amelia the most wondrous feast she had ever had. I led her to my small table, conjured crockery, glasses and two plates. "Have a seat, please," I motioned her to sit down. She tentatively took place on a chair (carefully examining it before sitting down, as though trying to make sure that it wouldn't bite her if she took place on it) and her glance fell on the crockery. With a joyous expression she snatched up the shining silver spoon, turned it around and inspected her mirror image in it. Her eyes widened as she saw her distorted image hanging upside down in it. She hopped up, ran over to me and showed me the spoon, as though it were the greatest miracle in the universe. 

"Ehm… I look good," I grinned at her as I examined my overturned image reflected in the concave side of the spoon. "Though my goatee looks quite silly this way, as though it were standing on end, don't you think?"

She bent her head over my shoulder, pressing her face close to mine, peering into my new 'mirror' and let out a bleat-like giggle.

"Yeah, funny things, spoons, aren't they?" I asked. _Did people in Liechtenstein never use spoons?_ – I wondered and motioned Amelia to sit back down on her chair.

When she finally took place (still clutching her new 'mirror' and enjoying herself terribly by looking at her distorted little figure), I held up my wand again and filled our plates with roast beef and potatoes. 

"Well, help yourself," I told her. She diverted her glance from the 'magic mirror' and glared at her plate with a rather dubious expression, as though she didn't understand what was going on, or what she was supposed to do. "Tuck in," I said with a broad smile and started slicing my roast beef. I was already chewing the first mouthful when I looked up and saw that she still hadn't touched her food. She seemed to be eyeing me in a rather peculiar way, disbelief and disgust mingling on her features. What could be wrong?

"Er… doncha like this kind o' meal?" I asked with full mouth (in retrospective it was rather rude of me). She cocked her head, giving me an indescribable stare that I took as a _'no, I don't like it'_. "All right, then, let's try something else," I shrugged, swished my wand and made her roast beef disappear, replacing it with a plate of warm broth. 

Tentatively she bent over the plate, smelled it, and – to my utter horror – stuck out her pretty little pink tongue and tasted it. In the next instant she recoiled, clasping her hands over her mouth with a painful expression – the soup must have burnt her tongue.

"So, no soup, then," I sighed and replaced it with a jelly-tart. She made big eyes when seeing it, and reached out with her hand to touch it. The jelly started to quiver as soon as her fingertip made contact with it – this Amelia found rather amusing, because she started flicking it with her index finger. As the jelly tart 'wriggled' on her plate, she started giggling again.

_Okay, Albus, try again_ – I thought and replaced the jelly with a nice heap of pumpkin pasties, only to get a _'you spoiled my game, you evil sorcerer'_ look from the lady. For the next five or so minutes I served 157 types of meals, but none of them seemed to win her approval. Then finally, when I had no sensible idea left, I conjured a plate of salad.

Suddenly Amelia's eyes lit up and she bent over the plate and started to graze. No, you didn't read it wrong, she started to _graze_. And she did it with pleasure, for the expression of delight and contentment spread on her pretty face.

_These Liechtensteinians had a funny taste_, I told myself.

Well, at least I got to know what kind of meal she preferred. 

* * * * *

After lunch I had another class to teach (fifth year Slytherins, damn them… I have never liked Slytherins, but now that having to teach them meant that I had to leave my wonderful Amelia alone, I felt like kicking every single Slytherin in the castle, Headmaster Snape included – whew, lucky that he couldn't read minds or I'd be out of Hogwarts before I could say WaltervonderVogelweide).

Before I left for that Transfiguration class with the fifth year Slytherins, I walked up to my lady and pushed a book into her hand: Crime and Punishment. "Here, Miss Who, this will entertain you until I return."

She glanced at the heavy tome in her hands, then gave me a curious look which I interpreted as '_Why not give me War and Peace, it'd be longer'_. But, as later I got to know, I had quite misinterpreted her silent message.

I suffered sixty minutes in the class with the Slytherins, then wanted to head back to my room to Amelia, but suddenly something came to my mind: soon it'd be dinner time, and I'd have to serve her something nice and vegetarian again. In the shop window of a Hogsmeade bookshop I had seen a book called '_1001 ways of preparing salad'_, and I thought that it'd be just the book for me! 

At six p.m. I exited the bookshop with the huge cookery book, and spotted my brother Aberforth coming out of the newly built local pub, the Three Broomsticks.

"Hi there, Albus," he greeted me jovially – he was grinning in a stupid way, that I put down to his coming out of the pub – he might have drunk a tad more of the mulled mead than he should have. "Had a nice day, I trust?"

"Very," I nodded eagerly, thinking of the charming Amelia waiting for me in my room, surely reading Crime and Punishment… I let out a dreamy sigh.

"And how's Michelle's cousin?" asked Aberforth, still smirking in a rather disturbing way. However, I didn't care about him smirking… as soon as Amelia was mentioned, I was no more thinking sensible, just blushed madly and hid a grin (note for the future: never blush in front of your own brother if you don't want to look a complete fool). 

"So?" my brother raised an eyebrow. "How's she doing?"

"Fine, just fine," I replied. "But you know, Aberforth… she's a bit… um… strange."

"Strange?" blinked my brother innocently. 

"Yes. She behaves a bit… funnily. Do you know that she has never seen a mirror in her life? Or never tasted jelly or roast beef? The only thing she seems to like is salad."

For some mysterious reason my brother started chortling uncontrollably.

"What's so funny?" I folded my arms, annoyed at his immatureness. I just couldn't understand what a sensible person like his wife Michelle could find in him… 

"No… nothing," he replied between two chuckles. "So… she's a vegetarian, then? There's nothing special about that, is there? Many people are vegetarian, after all."

"Yeah, but… d'you know that she has never in her life used a spoon, a fork or a knife? She just… bends over the plate and… er…" I was looking for the right word, not wanting to speak ill off Amelia, but there was simply no other word to describe her way of eating… "_grazes_." 

"Grazes?" Aberforth's eyebrows rose so high that they almost disappeared into his hair. "Like… sheep? Or cows? Or…"

"…goats," I nodded. "I don't know… perhaps that's how people in Liechtenstein eat… I wanted to buy a book on Liechtensteinian customs but found none… however, I still badly need one, if I want to understand her and help her in the best way I can."

"Uh, and… why exactly do you want to… understand her and help her in the _best way_ you can?" my brother asked in a peculiar tone. "Do you, by any chance, have… feelings for her?"

"Come on, how could I have feelings for her?" I snapped. "I don't even know her, for heaven's sake!"

"Bet you'd still gladly take her to bed," Aberforth winked at me and I felt my cheeks burning again. "Okay, I'm not asking anything," he added with a mischievous grin. "Just make sure Becky doesn't get to know."

With that he turned on his heels and walked back into the Three Broomsticks, surely to get even more drunk.

I headed back towards the castle.

* * * * *

The first thing I spotted when I entered my room was Amelia sitting on a chair, glaring at Crime and Punishment that was lying closed on her lap.

"Have you already finished it?" I asked, amazed. It was quite a long book to finish so quickly.

She furrowed her brow, giving me a stare that suggested she had no idea what I was talking about.

"The book… did you like it?" I said, pointing at the thick volume.

She made a grimace and pushed it back into my hands, shaking her head.

"Oh… you didn't like it," I breathed. "Pity… I used to like it."

However, she was still shaking her head, giving me and the book an odd glance… then it dawned on me: _she couldn't read_. 

Foolish me, I had given her a book to entertain herself and she had been bored for hours! The poor thing! I felt ashamed – I had closed this unfortunate woman into my room with nothing to do but watch the cover of a closed book!

"I'm sorry," I whispered, dropped the book and took her hands. I didn't know how to apologise to her, how to make up for my stupidity… so I just held her, almost drowning in the infinite blue pools of her eyes… she also seemed to be drowning in my eyes… or at least that's what I wanted to believe. I inched closer, mesmerised by the beauty of this sweet, illiterate girl.

Then suddenly I recoiled: what if she didn't even know what a man and a woman usually did when they slept together in a room? What if she was totally… _unknowing_? I just couldn't use her like that, without her knowing what to expect… I couldn't expose this innocent little being to the ferocious lion I could turn into when my libido urged me! It just wasn't fair. So I stepped back, feeling sorry for those poor, poor uneducated Liechtensteinians: no books, no mirrors, no crockery… I felt downright grateful to Aberforth for having brought this wonderful young lady to me, so that I could teach her. Oh yes, I took on to educate her. I was a teacher, after all…

However, first things first, so I prepared her a wonderful meal of different shaped salads for dinner and showed her the use of the fork. Amelia seemed to learn quickly, though she liked using her fork more as a sling, aiming small chunks of food at me. When I was thoroughly covered with salad and sauce, my poor goatee drenched and sticking out in all directions, I decided to join in the fight and covered her with a nice layer of chopped-up tomatoes that I shot at her from my spoon-sling (note for the future: spoons can be used for eating, shooting things at each other and even as mirrors. Useful thing to know).

That evening was spent in wonderful mood with Amelia. After having cleaned her and myself of the sauce and salad, we built castles of Exploding Snap. She enjoyed it thoroughly, since it was something that didn't require the knowledge of reading or the ability of talking. My poor goatee got singed for a couple of times, and my lady was doubled up with laughter, her bleating-like 'voice' filling the room. I still wondered how she could laugh and not talk… but somehow, without realising, I had grown to like this particular sound.

It was already midnight when we got to bed. (Correction: when SHE got to bed, for I was to spend the night on the sofa). 

As soon as her head touched the pillow, she fell asleep and for minutes I just sat on the sofa, watching as she slept. She looked angelic, really. I had never thought that I could feel like this for someone I had barely known… it was love at first sight, and it was magical.

My glance fell upon the calendar hanging on the wall. Stifling a yawn I stood up, walked up to it and turned it over to the next day: 2nd April.

Maybe because I was too tired, it hadn't even sunk in that this busy day with Amelia had been 1st April…

**A/N2**: some explanations:

Walter von der Vogelweide was a medieval German poet, who wrote a rather racy poem for someone in the Middle Ages ;)

Mecklenburg-Vorpommern is a part of Germany, something like a constituency, it's situated in the northern part of Germany

Spediteruübernahmebescheinigung means 'certificate of receipt of a forwarding agent' – I found it funny that the Germans wrote it in one single, mile-long word

Certainly the story isn't over, it has two more chapters.


	2. chapter 2

**A/N:** here's chapter two, folks, enjoy! :) Chapter 2 

I was having an extremely pleasant dream about myself and Amelia walking on a meadow hand in hand, when suddenly something fell on me with a tremendous impact.

"Wha…?" I yelled and saw a bleary-eyed, yawning Amelia lying on top of me, blinking in a surprised way. "Of course… the bed," I muttered. The 'wake-me-up-at-six-o'clock-charm' hadn't been removed of my four-poster, so the bed had kicked the poor girl out, right onto me (I had designed the bed's waking-charm in a way that it'd always dump me onto the sofa opposite the bed, so that I wouldn't hit myself too much.) I think I must have been way too tired the previous evening to remember to take the waking charm off the four-poster. However, at this moment I felt downright thankful to the bed for dumping Amelia, for she was lying on me, her arms propped over my shoulders and my arms had instinctively encircled her tiny waist. I just loved this particular position… _No, Albus, you aren't supposed to like it!_ - the voice of my conscience screamed inside my head.

"Er… sorry. My stupidity," I said and gently pushed the young woman back into a sitting position, while I was hoping against hope that she hadn't noticed what kind of effect her closeness had on my body this early in the morning… 

After breakfast (she ate salad with mustard sauce, but at least was using her fork), I had a class to teach. My heart ached at the thought of leaving my lady alone, especially when I knew that she'd be bored to death with having only books around that she couldn't read.

_Something should be done about this!_ - I told myself while I headed downstairs for the class. I was so immersed in my thoughts that I didn't notice Headmaster Snape rounding the corner and ran headlong into him.

"Oh, sorry, Sylvester!" I apologised.

"Next time look where you're going," he replied, giving me a scowl. Well, Severus had undoubtedly inherited this particular scowl… 

"Er… yes, of course," I nodded, feeling totally embarrassed. I still hadn't forgotten how afraid I had been of this man when I had been a student here at Hogwarts. I was no longer afraid of him, but… a Snape remains a Snape and he still managed to make the staff-members cringe whenever he scowled at them like that.

"Are you all right, Albus?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in a menacing way.

"Of course I am, Sylvester," I replied, trying to look totally innocent (I had learnt this 'look of innocence' from that good-for-nothing brother of mine).

"Strange…" Snape said. "I wonder why I have the impression that you are… up to something."

"Up to something?" I blinked in a politely bewildered way. "I have no idea what you're talking about… if you'll excuse me now, I've got a class to teach."

_So, where was I before this idiot interrupted?_ - I thought. _Oh yeah, I have to do something about Amelia's boredom! And also about that bed_… I just passed by a classroom whose door was half-ajar and the words of Professor Binns (at that time still alive) came through: "… and Uldric the Ugly, accompanied by his loyal phoenix Hildegard defeated…"

I slapped my forehead. A phoenix! Of course! I had read in a book that phoenixes were loyal pets (Amelia would find its company highly entertaining), they could carry huge weights, their tears had healing powers, and… they could be used as cuckoo clocks! A phoenix would be both perfect against Miss Who's boredom, and it would make my bed-charm unnecessary if the phoenix woke me up at six o'clock!

Two hours later I came out of Hogsmeade's pet shop, holding a cage with a wondrous crimson coloured bird that had golden tail-feathers. His name was Fawkes.

"I've brought you something, Miss Who," I said upon returning to my quarters. "He will be your pet from now on and he'll entertain you. He's called Fawkes"

With that I pulled the cage out from behind my back. When Amelia spotted the phoenix, her face lit up like the sun on the zenith. She clasped her hands in delight and practically yanked the bird out of its cage. Fawkes let out a plaintive squeal as Amelia hugged him (correction: as Amelia almost stifled him).

"Now, now, Miss Who, don't kill that poor bird…" I gently tried to peel her arms off Fawkes, however, she didn't really want to let him go. What could I do if I didn't want the poor thing die the first day I bought him? I had to resort to drastic measures, so I jerked the bird out of Amelia's loving arms.

Fawkes squeaked again, and gave the girl a contemptuous look when spotting his two tail-feathers that had remained in Amelia's hands. Then he turned to me and gave me a grateful glance. I was touched by the realisation that mere birds could give you almost human looks, their eyes mirroring their true feelings… I knew at once that Fawkes would be my friend as long as I lived, and he'd always be loyal to me in order to thank me for saving him from Amelia.

After I explained to my lady that hugging animals this ferociously wouldn't do them any good, I turned my attention to those two golden tail-feathers she had torn out. _What to do with them? Use them as a quill?_ Hm… I think even Gilderoy Lockhart would have turned green with envy, had he seen me using a golden phoenix-tail-feather quill while he only used peacock quills… but I just wasn't the type to write with such flashy things. So I decided to send them to Ollivander, perhaps he'd want to use them as a core for two wands… 

* * * * *

Two weeks after Amelia's arrival I got an invitation to a wedding party held at the back garden of the Three Broomsticks. On my invitation card stood:

Do not forget to bring your partner 

Normally I would have gone with my fiancée, but she was in Paris, so who could I go with? Who? Well, Miss Who, of course.

Before the party I had lots of things to teach Amelia so that she wouldn't embarrass me in front of others. I also had to make up a likely tale for questions like 'where does she live? I haven't seen her around yet…' 

Amelia already knew how to use the crockery and eat salad in the most elegant way. She had also got used to seeing mirrors and didn't start pointing at them all the time. However, she couldn't get along with Fawkes, and for the sake of the phoenix's health I had to put him into a cage and cast a charm on its locker so that Amelia wouldn't be able to open it and 'fondle' the bird to death.

Besides teaching Miss Who how to behave like a real lady, I was also teaching myself from The Invisible Book of Invisibility how to become invisible. The trick of the book was to remember where I had put it, so the next time I wanted to read it, I'd just have to grope around on the table where I couldn't see anything, and I'd surely find it - as soon as I found it and opened it, it became visible. And when I finished reading it, I just shut it and it became invisible again… 

Learning to become invisible and also vanish others wasn't an easy business, but I had to learn it as soon as possible if I wanted to take Amelia on walks around the corridors or even outside the castle without Headmaster Snape seeing us or Peeves spotting us and running to Snape to tell on us.

By the middle of April I had mastered this kind of magic: I could turn invisible without using a cloak or a wand, but in order to turn others invisible I had to use my wand.

On a wonderfully sunny Sunday afternoon I decided to surprise my lady with taking her out to the meadows around Hogsmeade - the poor girl must have developed a nasty claustrophobia after being closed in my quarters for two weeks…

I successfully turned us invisible, took her by the hand so I wouldn't lose her when I couldn't see her and led her through the corridors, towards the Entrance Hall. On our way we 'met' Headmaster Snape and I stuck my tongue out at him - well, he couldn't see it, could he? (Note for the future: never mention this to Severus!)  

On the meadow I took the vanishing charms off ourselves and saw the enraptured expression on Amelia's face: I don't think I had ever seen her this happy… as though the meadow had somehow been her element, her home… suddenly we got surrounded by a flock of goats that had been grazing on the meadow before.

"Cute little animals, huh?" I smiled at Amelia who was stroking the goats as though she knew them… I liked animals a lot, but after half an hour of patting the goats' heads, I got bored of them and wanted to remain alone with my lady.

"Okay now, go off to graze, chop-chop!" I told the goats, but they didn't seem to want to leave us. I shrugged and took Amelia by the hand, leading her towards the crest of a small hill. For some seconds I felt happy and contented to be able to walk with this wonderful woman at my side, no one to bother us anymore… then I heard bleating.

I turned around and gasped. These little monsters were following us! As though we were some kind of a goat-magnet! Certainly I did have some animal magnetism, but to such an extent??? I had never thought…

It didn't even occur to me that these animals might have been following Amelia…

Anyway, our afternoon was ruined. The goats followed us around the whole meadow, going on my nerves. I had to cast a temporary _Petrificus Totalus_ on them in order to keep them from following us to Hogwarts (though it would have been nice to see Headmaster Snape's expression when a flock of goats flooded the castle…)

On Friday - the day before the party - I had a rather unpleasant task (or was it unpleasant at all?): I had to mention to Miss Who (as politely as possible) that she ought to take a bath. (She hadn't taken one ever since she arrived at Hogwarts).

She gave me an expression of bewilderment. 

"A bath, you know… in the tub," I said, pointing at the door of the adjacent bathroom. I thought she had never ever opened that door before, so I took her by the hand and led her up to it. "See… that's a tub. It'll be filled with nice, warm water soon and you'll be able to wash yourself."

She pursed her lips and scowled at me. In the past few days whenever I taught her something new I had to make a 'presentation' of how it was done. But now… she couldn't have been expecting me to jump into the tub and show her how I washed myself?????

"Listen, Miss Who," I said, "I'll fill it with water. Then you'll sit into it and let yourself soak a bit." 

I turned on the taps and waited until the fragrant pinkish foam filled the tub. "Here, try it," I smiled at her and turned around to leave. Before I could even reach the door, I heard a splash and had to double back.

Amelia was sitting in the tub, fully clothed (as much as I could see from all those bubbles).

"Er… you should have… damn," I sighed. I had told her 'you'll sit into it and let yourself soak', but hadn't told her to take off her clothes as well. Shouldn't that have been obvious? Her behaviour was getting more and more peculiar as time went on and I was seriously considering writing to the IMF (International Magical Federation) and request a more thorough education of the Liechtensteinian wizarding population.

Seeing the horror on my face, Amelia's pretty eyes filled with tears. She knew she had done something wrong again and had disappointed me… the poor thing, her stare was heart wrenching… in the next instant I was already kneeling next to her, holding her in a half-embrace, as much as the rim of the tub between us let me hug her, and I was rocking her gently. "You know what?" I grinned and drew back a bit, "you're right. One can bath just as well this way," I said and jumped into the tub, still wearing my navy blue robes sprinkled with little stars. I think if someone had seen me in that second, I'd have had to spend the rest of my life in a strait jacket in St Mungo's Lunatic Ward… but no one saw me except my lady, and her eyes radiated eternal joy and love… yes, LOVE.

Before I knew what I was doing, I had pulled her closer again and plastered my lips to hers. After I drew back, I saw an appalled expression on her face. Her eyes had widened, her mouth was hanging open and she stared at me, unblinking. 

"Sorry… shouldn't have done that… I don't know what got into me…" I apologised and grabbed the rim of the tub to climb out of it, but before I could do so, I felt two arms sneak around my neck and pull me down… if Fawkes hadn't let out five squeaks, indicating that I was late for the monthly staff conference, I don't know what I would have done with her… er… perhaps I know, but at that time I felt way too embarrassed to even think about it.

Not to mention that Headmaster Snape gave me quite a funny look when I entered the staff room smelling of lilies and elderflower… 

* * * * *

The wedding of the McGonagalls was very nice, held in the open air. The charming bride was a Muggle history-teacher whose favourite historic era was that of the Roman Empire. So no wonder that her daughter (born ten years later) got named Minerva… 

I had a great time with Amelia at the party. Sometimes people would greet us: "Hullo, Albus, who's this charming young lady with you?" and I would answer: "Headmaster Snape's distant relation… she's staying at the castle for a while, you know…" I had to make them believe that Amelia had a permission to stay at Hogwarts, since it was clear to everybody that she wasn't staying at Aberforth's house or anywhere else in Hogsmeade. Of course I knew Sylvester Snape enough to be sure that he wouldn't mingle with the crowd, so no one would have a chance to ask him about Amelia and my little fib would never catch his ear. Ever since his little 'adventure' with the Transylvanian vampire witch, he had barely left the castle and talked to anyone besides the staff-members (he even gave his son - Severus' father - away to a nice wizarding couple in London to raise). He was definitely a terrible father… come to think of it, his son turned out to be a terrible father too… I wonder what kind of a father our Severus would turn into… well, time will tell. But I digress.

So, Amelia and I were having the time of our lives at the wedding. She ate four slices of the wedding cake (with using a fork!) and drank three glasses of champagne. I suppose it might have been the champagne that made her so merry, and as soon as a wizarding band started to play some Johann Strauss waltzes, she practically yanked me off my seat and pulled me towards the dance floor (a less grass-covered part of the garden). I loved waltzing a lot, ten years earlier I had even won a dance contest (no kidding), but poor Amelia wasn't a talent in this area. She kept stepping on my toes while she swirled and laughed (bleated) uncontrollably. Some people around us even remarked that they had never thought that the morose Sylvester Snape could have such a cheerful and nice relative. I hid a smile at this comment and caught Amelia as she stumbled over a rock. We both fell behind a rose bush, she held onto me, giggling and suddenly sneaked her arms around my neck and kissed me.

For some seconds I just relished the feeling of her lips on mine, then suddenly realised that we were in public and I was very much engaged.

I squinted around and heaved a sigh of relief: that rose bush hid us nicely, so no one could have seen us kissing… could they?

As it later turned out, they did.

The rose bush we were lying/half sitting behind was at the very end of the garden and the Hogsmeade meadow started mere feet away. The garden had no fences, just a couple of brambles around its edge to separate it from the meadow, though the brambles didn't stand close enough to each other to form a proper hedge. I stood up and offered Amelia a hand to hoist her to her feet when a particular sound caught my ear. 

_Bleating._

I looked down at my lady and had to realise that it wasn't her. Then…?

I swallowed the lump in my throat and slowly, very slowly turned around to see that a flock of goats that had been peacefully grazing on the hillside had spotted us.

"Uh-oh… there'll be trouble," I breathed and yanked Amelia off the ground. "Run!"

It seemed that she didn't understand why I was pulling her across the crowd of guests so hurriedly, and the guests didn't understand why we were running, too… then they understood.

After the long table set up for the party had been overturned, the huge four-tiered wedding cake with pink icing had landed in Doris Crockford's lap and the bride had screamed because a goat had trampled on her veil and yanked it off her head, the guests finally understood the reason for our flight. 

Amelia and I were running for what seemed to be hours (though it must have been only a minute) when I heard some _Stupefy_'s and _Petrificus Totalus_'s and the bleating ceased. We had already reached Zonko's when I dared look back. Panting, I wiped my forehead and thought that I hated goats. All of them. Even Djali, Esmeralda's stupid goat! Down with goats! Why on Earth did they want to follow me around???

For a second I cursed my own stupidity for not reacting quicker and throwing the petrifying charm on the goats myself… or I could as well have become invisible and escaped from the goats? But… perhaps they could smell you and follow you even if you were invisible? I had no idea.

The wedding of the McGonagalls went down in history as the 'wedding with goats'. I'm not sure whether Minerva's parents had ever told her that goats had been 'guests' at their wedding… Even if they had told her, Minerva never mentioned it later. Perhaps she just didn't have enough sense of humour to find the story amusing.

* * * * *

However, as it turned out, I shouldn't have found the story amusing either, given its consequences that came up right next morning. The next day was Sunday, so I could afford to lie-in a bit, and I was awoken by someone hammering on the door.

"Albus, it's me, Sylvester, let me in!" the headmaster's voice sounded rather miffed.

Amelia had also been awoken by Snape and was yawning and stretching on my four-poster (I was still sleeping on the sofa). She was taken by surprise as I suddenly swished my wand at her, vanishing her.

I smoothed my nightshirt and opened the door for the headmaster.

"So." he gave me a menacing look.

"So what?" I blinked, trying to look innocent.

"Explain this!" Snape pushed _The Hogsmeade Times_ into my face. On the front page I saw a wizard photo of myself and Amelia, fleeing hand in hand from a flock of goats that flooded the back garden of the Three Broomsticks.

"Er…" I gaped at the picture. "Nice photo. The photographer must be talented if he managed to catch just the right moment…"

"Albus," Sylvester cut in, "I'm not interested in the photographer's talents, I want to know what this whole story with that woman is! The article states you introduced her to everyone as my relative and claimed that she had a right to stay at the castle… however I don't remember ever giving you my permission to have ladies in the castle."

"Oh come on, Sylvester, I was a bit tipsy yesterday at the party," I held up my hands in a defensive position. "I was rambling and made up things just for fun… I'm sorry."

"But then… who's this woman? And where is she?" the headmaster arched an eyebrow at me and walked into the middle of the room, looking around, as though expecting to spot her hiding behind the curtain.

"She's Aberforth's wife's second-cousin and I have no idea where she is for the time being… perhaps with Aberforth?" I cast a sideways glance at the four-poster to make sure that my vanishing spell hadn't worn off. Everything seemed to be okay, only a small dent in the pillow indicated that Amelia was lying there.

"Really?" grunted Snape, walked up to the bathroom and stepped in.

"Well… you can look around here if you don't believe me, Sylvester, but I can assure you that you won't catch me hiding ladies at my quarters," I winked at him jovially.

His eyes narrowed and he pressed his lips so firm together that they became one single, whitish line. "All right, then," he nodded and was just about to leave the bathroom and head for my door when I suddenly thought that the blood had frozen in my veins. There was - in mid-air - an apple floating. It floated slowly towards the bed.

_Snape mustn't see this!_ - my mind screamed. 

"Oh, before you leave, would you just… check out my new…" my eyes skimmed the bathroom, trying to find an object to engage the headmaster's attention, then my glance fell upon a… "…rubber duck?"

"Your… what?" Sylvester furrowed his brows.

"My rubber ducky," I pointed at the small yellow object lying on the rim of the tub. "It's something totally modern, Muggles have just started manufacturing these, they're fascinating, don't you think, Sylvester?" 

"I think you should lie back down, Albus and sleep until yesterday's drinks lose their effect," Snape replied. Oh goody, he thought I was still drunk! 

With a stupid grin that suggested I really wasn't in my right mind, I took some steps backwards and peered out into the bedroom. Luckily no apples were flying anymore. I cursed my stupidity for not telling Amelia not to leave the bed as long as the headmaster was here, but everything had happened so fast that I had had no time to explain it to her. Now an apple-core was lying not far from the bed.

Good, the coast was clear, so I gave the headmaster another idiotic grin and motioned him to leave the bathroom (and that poor rubber duck alone). 

As he walked towards the door that had been left half-ajar after he 'burst' into my quarters, he didn't notice the apple-core lying on the floor. Before I could shout 'WATCH OUT!' or wave my wand to stop him, he had stepped on it and slipped.

In a second the oh so haughty headmaster found himself on his bottom and sent me a look he had so willingly practiced on me when I was a child: an icy look that still made me shiver sometimes.  

To top my misery, Amelia couldn't hold back her laughter at seeing the revered headmaster slip on an apple-core and her bleating-like giggles filled the room.

"What. Was. That." Sylvester growled and hoisted himself off the ground.

"An apple-core, I believe," I replied with an angelic-innocent impression.

"Not that… the bleating," he said.

"Oh, that… you know… it must be the flock of goats from the Hogsmeade meadows… sometimes I hear their bleating even here, in my room."

"But… the window is closed," Snape pointed out.

I shrugged. "Those goats have particularly strong voices, Sylvester."

He shot me a 'don't-take-me-for-a-fool' sort of expression.

"Now come on, Sylvester, you can't think I'm having goats in my bedroom!" I sighed dramatically (that was something I had learned from Aberforth again - he could have been a perfect actor).

For a minute Snape seemed to be contemplating his answer - he surely didn't want to look an idiot by thinking I had a goat in my bedroom, then nodded. "All right, then, I'm leaving." His features still revealed that he had doubts about me telling the truth. "You'd better not leave apple-cores lying around, Albus. Such disorder is not allowed at Hogwarts, not for the students, not even for the teachers."

"Certainly, Sylvester, I'll keep that in mind," I replied, praying that he'd clear off at last.

When the door closed behind him, I leaned on it and wiped my forehead. "Whew, that was close."

Suddenly some odd noise caught my ear - the noise was coming from the bed's direction. However, this time it wasn't bleating… it was sniffing.

"Amelia!" I breathed, swished my wand to make her visible and was shocked to see that she was crying. I had never seen this wonderful, beautiful creature cry… it was heart wrenching.

"What is it, Amelia?" I asked in a soothing voice, sat down next to her and took her gently into my arms. She just shook her head and wept, flooding the front of my nightshirt (I hadn't had time to change yet) with her tears.

I knew she couldn't answer me with words, nor could she write (I had started to teach her to read and write, but we had only covered letters A and B so far), yet as soon as her tears ebbed and she looked up at me, her eyes revealed it all: she was blaming herself for Snape almost catching me. She was mad at herself for having let out a small chuckle and getting me into trouble. The thought of getting me into trouble made her cry… and that was when I understood it: she loved me.

L - O - V - E - D   ME.

I felt that my heart wanted to skip out of my chest, it beat so fast.

"It's okay, Ami… it's not your fault, don't blame yourself," I said, cupping her chin, making her face me. "It was hard for me as well not to laugh at Snape slipping, you know…"

A small smile appeared on her face and I reached out to wipe her tears away. When my hands made contact with her skin, I felt an electric jolt course through me. It seemed she felt it too, because she stiffened, then grabbed my hands. I don't know how long we were sitting there like that, just gazing at each other's eyes and smiling in a stupid way… it seemed like an eternity, but it still wasn't an eternity, since it suddenly ended with a detonation. The door of my quarters burst in, followed by a flurry of pinkish robes and an unmistakable Beckyish voice: "ALBUS DUMBLEDORE! I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION AT ONCE!"

**A/N:** thanks to those who reviewed the first chapter: _septempopuli, rebkos, Lioness-07863, Katie Bell, AmandaPanda, Lupin's Angel, tyleet, Romina, thecrazygirl, Punky Poet, Alexander Phoenix, weirdo_without_a_clue, Princess Ginny, GreenLily, Red Ridding Hood, Houou, Cressida, ruffled owl, TaMaraR, Lana Riddle, ArtDevilGirl, CloverWeave, Nefertiri _

_Myr Halcyon_: yes, I agree, that it's funny to image Albus being a sex-driven lion, but… he also used to be young ;)

_Katrina:_ well, you can never chose whom to fall in love with… there was a guy who was just perfect: nice, polite, clever, had a great sense of humour… I WANTED to fall for him, but didn't manage! The same applied for Albus: he wanted to fall in love with Becky, but didn't succeed. 

_PhoenixFire:_ yes, it's fun when the audience knows things that the characters don't. The same thing applies for poor Snape concerning Beryl's pregnancy :)

_Aeryn Alexander_: glad you like this theory of the goat-incident ;) And I'm happy you think I wrote Albus perfectly :D

_X-Tow-Naga:_ of course I'm still updating TGEEF! The 15-year-old-thing referred to Aberforth's level of maturity. You know that he still behaves like a child at the age of 140, so I thought he must have been even more childish at the age of 35. Harry is 31 in TGEEF. There are some wizards and witches who never dared learn to apparate (Rowling wrote so in GoF), so I assumed that Becky was one of those witches. I have nothing against Potions teachers, it's just fun to make fun of them! Snape's grandpa was the headmaster, not his dad. I'm not sure Harry would have noticed his picture by all means in Dumbledore's office… there are so many wizarding pictures, I don't think he spent all his time with trying to examine all of them thoroughly. And given Albus' dislike of Sylvester Snape, I'm sure he must have put his picture somewhere where it wasn't that visible (e.g. half-hidden by a shelf).  No idea when Peeves had got into Hogwarts, but Nearly Headless Nick had been "beheaded" in 1492, and very possibly he has lived at Hogwarts ever since, so Peeves also could have lived there for centuries. For the time being I'm not planning to write any other outtakes. And truth be told, I have no idea what to write outtakes of. If you could suggest something from any of my three long fics, I'd consider writing it :)

_Lavendar Brown_: you wrote: "_you'd better not have them 'bed'_". Well, there won't be a bed, for sure ;)

_C-chan_: yes, I've heard such things.

_heavenly182angel_: yes, the 'greatest' series is definitely darker then my outtakes :) Glad you liked Racoon Bite, too.

_Inken:_ well, brothers tend to beat each other up once in a while, don't they? ;) Oberschenkenritt? LOL, that sounds very funny! I'm going to change Mecklenburg Vorpommern to Oberschenkenritt, to make the story 'historically okay', thanks for pointing that out to me! Amelia and the Little Mermaid? I don't remember anyone with the name Amelia in Disney's Little Mermaid. Did you refer to another adaptation of Little Mermaid, by any chance?


	3. chapter 3

**A/N**: I've been accused of neglecting this story because of The Greatest Enemy Ever Faced. So I decided to post the last chapter of this one. Enjoy! **Chapter 3**

I jumped up from the bed as though I had been stung by a bumblebee. "Beeeee…becky!" I breathed, trying to conceal Amelia's sitting figure behind my back (it was too late to cast the vanishing charm on her). "What… what are you doing here, honey?"

"WHAT?" my fiancée shrieked. "I received an owl from Doris… she told me she had seen you kissing some hussy at the McGonagalls' wedding yesterday!!!"

_Damn you, Doris Crockford, you terrible gossip,_ I cursed inwardly. "Well, you know, Becky, the point is that…"

"…That you're even sleeping together with that cow!" she shouted, pointing at Amelia whom I obviously hadn't managed to conceal properly behind my back.

"She's no cow!" I snapped.

"No?" Becky laughed hysterically. "Then what should I call her – a goat? Or perhaps a flobberworm? All animals on Earth would be deeply hurt if I compared them to this whore!"

"Hold your tongue, you have no idea what you are talking about!" I cried with clenched fists. For a moment Becky seemed to recoil, her eyes widened with shock and the expression of understanding spread on her face. "So…" she whispered. "You're… you're in love with this… this…" she cast a side-glance at Amelia.

"…wonderful person, yes," I said quickly before Rebecca could call Amelia other kinds of animals. "I'm sorry, Becky… I had no idea how to tell you…"

She folded her arms with an extremely superior glance. "You don't have to. I'm intelligent enough to assess the situation and to… give this back to you." With that she pulled her engagement ring off her finger and let it fall on the floor, then turned her back on me and headed for the door. At the doorframe she doubled back. "Oh, forgot something." She pulled a heavy, leather-bound book out of her robes and chucked it at me: The Notre Dame of Paris. "Screw your goat!" she hissed, and banged the door shut behind her. 

I bent down and picked up my favourite book, feeling downright mad with Becky for insulting poor Djali, my favourite goat character.

Then suddenly my anger evaporated, as though a gust of wind had blown it away, and I turned to face Amelia: my love. She was crouching on the bed, chewing her lower lip, clearly not knowing how to react, but I did the reacting part for both of us: I flung myself on the bed and gathered her into a firm hug. "Amelia, Amelia, Amelia!" I yelled, rocking her (and almost stifling her in my frenzy). "I'm no more engaged, Amelia! Do you know what this means?"

She shook her head. 

"This means I can marry you!" I shouted happily and plastered my lips to hers. When we parted (after a nice three-minute snog session) I added, "Of course if you're willing to marry me, that is." I slipped off the bed, sank to my knees and took her hands. "Would you do me the honour of marrying me, Amelia Who from Walter von der Vogelweide?"

She seemed speechless. I mean this in the other sense of the word – her muteness wasn't the only reason why she couldn't talk - even if she had been able to talk, words would have failed her at this magical moment. For moments we just stared into each other's eyes, and after a long pause I was getting insecure. _Doesn't she want to marry me?_ I thought desperately. "A…Amelia," I stuttered, "did you understand what I said?"

Slowly she nodded.

"…And?"

She nodded again.

"Does this mean that you… you're willing to become my wife?" I asked, my voice quavering. 

She nodded once more.

"Yippieeeee!" I yelped and jerked her off the bed, dancing through the room with her in such a frantic way that I didn't even notice knocking Fawkes' cage off the table (the phoenix gave Amelia an angry squeak – he hated the poor girl for some reason). A wonder that Headmaster Snape hadn't returned to see what this clamour was.

After I released my new fiancée - thinking I was changing my fiancées as often as others changed their socks - she bent down and snatched up the ring Rebecca had thrown on the floor.

"Oh… her ring," I said. "Just put it somewhere, Ami, I'll buy you a new one."

However, she shook her head and pulled the ring onto her finger, beaming as she held up her hand to the light coming through the window and the gem in it flickered like a diamond (though it wasn't a diamond, of course, I, as a teacher, couldn't afford to buy diamonds).

"You… you'd accept her ring?" I asked, utterly surprised. No other woman would have accepted a ring that my former fiancée had thrown away, but Amelia was different… she wasn't as proud as the others, she was so much simpler, and so much sweeter… She nodded happily and seemed to be enjoying herself a lot, looking at the gem as it refracted the white sunlight like a prism and turned it into all colours of the rainbow.

So, the wedding ring part was settled, then. "You know what, Ami?" I told her. "I can't stand the thought of me not buying you any kind of jewellery for our wedding… I'll buy you a nice bracelet, how about that?"

She seemed to have no objections, just kept playing with her ring, her bleating-like-giggling filling the room as the gem painted the walls with vivid colours as the light passed through it. 

We decided to keep our engagement a secret till the next Saturday when we wanted to go into Diagon Alley to buy the promised bracelet for my beloved Amelia.

On Saturday morning I turned invisible, put the vanishing charm on my fiancée and we headed down to Hogsmeade. As soon as we left the castle's grounds, I took the invisibility charms off ourselves and we walked hand in hand into the village.

As it turned out, we arrived too early for the train (I didn't want to expose Amelia to any other kind of travelling, perhaps portkeys or Floo would scare her), it was only eight in the morning and the next train would leave the station at ten o'clock. Even the ticket box was closed this early in the morning. So, we decided to take a walk in the village and just look at the shop windows (Amelia particularly liked the shop window of Honeydukes). On our stroll we met Aberforth. I wasn't in any mood to talk to my annoying brother and spoil my good mood on a wonderful day like this, but what could I do? I let Aberforth invite Ami and me into the Three Broomsticks for a nice early morning butterbeer.

"So, Albus, tell me, how are things going with our charming Miss Who?" Aberforth grinned at me, then squinted jovially at my lady.

"Things couldn't be more spiffing, bro," I replied. _Well, Albus, better break the news to him, you'd have to do it sooner or later, so why not now?_ I thought. "So, Aberforth, Amelia and I are getting married."

For some mysterious reason my brother suddenly spit out the mouthful of butterbeer he was just about to swallow and started to cough madly. I had to tap him on the back for a couple of times to stop his bout of coughing. 

"You… must be kidding!" he said finally, his face as white as a sheet and totally desperate. _Why on Earth would he be so desperate? He had never liked Becky, and he had personally introduced me to Amelia, so he should be happy I'm marrying her! What got into him?_ I wondered.

"No, why would I be kidding?" I shrugged. "I love her and she loves me, right, darling?" I sneaked an arm around Amelia's shoulder and she blushed, giggling.

"But… what about… Rebecca?" Aberforth spluttered.

"That's over, brother. She got to know that I loved Amelia and broke off the engagement. So I'm free to marry Amelia."

"But… but… you barely know each other!" my brother reasoned. 

"But of course we know each other!" I replied. "We've been living in the same room for almost a month now – because of _you,_ dear brother." This was true: it had been Aberforth who had insisted on me sharing my room with Miss Who. "So to say: it's your fault," I added with a wink and didn't understand why my brother's complexion turned from white to greyish green. 

"Are you feeling all right, Aberforth?" I asked. "Perhaps you could do with a bit of fresh air, huh?"

"No… rather a double Whisky to knock me out," he muttered.

I pulled my magical clock out of my pocket (it had twelve hands and little planets moving around the edge) and squinted at it. "I should go and get our tickets to London, the ticket box must have opened already. Amelia, dear, would you please stay here with Aberforth and take care of him? I think he's not feeling well."

She nodded eagerly and I left for the station. Twenty minutes later I returned and it didn't even occur to me that perhaps I shouldn't have left my fiancée alone with my brother…

* * * * *

Amelia and I had a great time in Diagon Alley. We went to Madame Malkin's (owned by the current Madame Malkin's great-grandmother) to look at some wedding robes, then headed for the jeweller to pick Amelia's bracelet. She chose a pretty silver one that had charms on it, and whenever the charms clinked, they made a funny sound that sounded like a cowbell. Its sound was a bit higher than that of a normal cowbell, it reminded me rather of those smaller bells worn by sheep and goats… wonder why Amelia felt attracted to a sound like that?

We spent the whole day with going from shop to shop, and Amelia liked the Magical Menagerie a lot, but her favourite was definitely Flora Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour (Flora was obviously Florean's ancestor). 

We slept in the Leaky Cauldron that night. I took two rooms, so that people wouldn't even suspect that I had ever slept in the same room with my fiancée (mind you, at those times sleeping in the same room before getting married wasn't as fashionable as it is today…)

However, at the middle of the night I got awoken by someone slipping into my bed…

"Amelia!" I breathed. "What are you doing here?"

She didn't say anything, just snuggled close to me and dropped off. I understood: for the last month we had always been sleeping 'together', and probably she was scared to sleep alone in a totally unfamiliar room? _Hm… back in Liechtenstein did she always sleep together with her mum or sisters?_ I wondered. _Funny people, these Liechtensteinians_, I told myself for the umpteenth time.

Next morning we took the train back to Hogsmeade. It was already late in the afternoon when we arrived back, it was nearly sunset. I wanted to head back to the castle immediately, but Amelia pointed at the sun setting above the meadows and tugged at my arm, indicating that she wanted to go through the fields and enjoy the sunset. Since we didn't have much luggage, I thought: why not? 

After a short walk we decided to have dinner. I conjured a checked blanket, put it on the grass and also magicked a basket full of sandwiches out of nowhere. Perfect picnic. We had been chewing our sandwiches for a while when I spotted them.

A flock of goats.

_Damn._

"Will you excuse me, dearest?" I smiled at Amelia and flicked my wand at the flock that was approaching at tremendous speed. "_Petrificus Totalus_!"

The goats were frozen at the middle of the fields and I put my wand back into my robes. "Well, that's taken care of," I grinned at my fiancée who cast a disappointed glance at the goats, as though she had been sad that I had petrified them. But I couldn't just let them attack us again, now, could I?

"Don't worry about them, sweetest," I cupped her chin, "I'll take the charm off them as soon as we have finished our dinner." 

A grateful smile spread on her face and she sneaked her arms around my neck. Uh-oh… before I could react, her cherry-coloured lips had assaulted mine and I wouldn't have been able to let go, even if I wanted. But did I want to? Huh, not sure.

I gently lowered Amelia onto the blanket and covered her face with feather-like kisses while her hands roamed on my body, trying to pull the robes over my head… then I remembered what I had been thinking weeks earlier up in my room in a similar situation: what if she was totally unknowing? What if she had no idea what was to happen…?

However, the way she jerked me back to herself and pinned my poor, deprived body between her legs, I got the impression that she pretty much KNEW what she was doing…

It felt like as though time had stood still for us, the sun somehow refused to set – perhaps it wanted to perch on the horizon like some curious bird, wanting to see what we were doing? A thought like _who the hell cares whether the sun is a voyeur or not?_ flashed through my mind and I let the pleasure take over me. The sandwiches were forgotten, I no more heard the thousand of crickets around, I was no more aware the intoxicating fragrance of the wildflowers, at that moment I wouldn't have cared if Headmaster Snape had been standing two feet from us ogling us with his usual scowl… nothing mattered, just Amelia and me…

I don't know how long it had lasted… to me it seemed an eternity… still the sun hadn't dived behind the horizon yet when we finally started to dress. 

For a while I didn't speak – what I felt couldn't be expressed with words… it was too perfect to express with words. I was sooooo terribly in love! I felt like shouting at the top of my lungs that I loved Amelia Who from Walter von der Vogelweide, but would it have mattered? No. Just holding her hand and looking into her wonderfully blue eyes told her more of my love than any kind of shouting. And what else could express my love that perfectly to her? "Flowers! I'll get you flowers!" I jumped up. I gave her a final peck on the cheek and bolted off into the twilight (the sun had finally set) to pick some nice flowers.

It took me five minutes to assemble a pretty bouquet, and humming a romantic melody I returned to the place where I had left Amelia.

There was the checked blanket and the empty basket on the grass, but Amelia was nowhere to be seen. Instead there was a goat sitting on the blanket, bleating.

_How on Earth?_ I thought irritably. _Had I not petrified all those damned goats?_

"Shoo!" I waved at it. "Get off you goat, I'm waiting for my fiancée and don't want you to be around."

But the goat didn't budge. 

"I said sod off!" I advanced on it, now starting to feel really annoyed. Perhaps it had been the twilight that made me not see the goat properly, but only when I got closer to it did I notice that it was wearing Amelia's favourite little red hat…

"You've even stolen her hat?" I bristled at the animal. The goat bleated again and moved one of its legs… and something jingled. "You pilfering little… now wait a minute! _Lumos!_" I breathed, crouching down to have a closer look at the goat in the circle of my wand's light. It was wearing Amelia's brand new charm bracelet… and something sparkled on the blanket… the wedding ring.

"A…Amelia?" I stammered desperately. 

The goat bleated.

"Amelia?" I swallowed the lump in my throat.

The goat bleated again.

"Amelia!" I shouted, shaking the poor animal. "_Finite Incantatem!_" I pointed my wand at it, however it didn't change back. This couldn't be happening to me, I swore to myself. What could I do to get to know what was happening here? Then I suddenly remembered an old incantation that revealed what kind of magic had been cast on something or someone… it was a bit like _Priori Incantatem_, however it didn't show the earlier spells cast by the wand, but the earlier spells cast on somebody. "_Priori Ars Magica_!" I pointed my wand at the goat.

Suddenly I saw (and heard) a cloudy image of my brother Aberforth casting a spell on a hazy image of a girl that was unmistakably Amelia… I recognised his spell to be a 'delayed version' of _Finite Incantatem_ – with this kind of magic you could put a spell on someone or take a spell off someone so that the spell would only take effect hours or days after you cast it.  Then I saw the next image: Aberforth throwing some transfiguration spell on a goat… since _Priori Ars Magica _showed the spells in reverse, first Aberforth must have had to put that spell on the goat, then put the delayed _Finite Incantatem_ on Amelia… I slapped my forehead.

"Holy heavens!" I shouted into the darkening sky. It was her! The goat was her! MY AMELIA!

For some strange reason when I visited my brother's house that night to kill him, he was no more there. According to the neighbours he had hastily moved out the day before (very likely after Ami and I had left for London) and they hadn't seen him ever since.

For the next few days I took my holidays in order to be able to devote all my time to sending as many Howlers to my brother (whose location was still unknown to me) as possible. I don't know where and when he received them, but at least one of them must have exploded on him when others could also hear it, because soon the newspapers were filled with articles on 'Aberforth Dumbledore practicing improper charms on a goat' – at least that's what I had been shouting at him in my howlers: HOW DARE YOU PRACTICE IMPROPER CHARMS ON A GOAT, ABERFORTH?!? I was cautious enough not to mention in any of my Howlers that the goat had been my fiancée, it was enough if people heard that Aberforth had done something wrong and Aberforth would know what exactly he had done even without me mentioning Amelia. I hoped that the Howlers at least made him have serious pangs of remorse, but I couldn't check whether they did, since he had been giving me a wide berth.

My terrible anger with my brother had only lessen a bit when his wife Michelle had visited me and complained that she had got to know what her husband had done and she felt that it had shown her Aberforth's true colours and she was leaving him for good – Michelle had been annoyed by her husband's way too childish behaviour on several occasions and had been contemplating whether to leave him, but had always decided against it. However, this goat-case was the last straw for her – she knew he'd never ever be able to change to become more serious. I knew my brother loved his wife and felt some malicious joy knowing that he'd be devastated about Michelle leaving for ever. Hell, he had deserved it!

Soon Aberforth had also left the country, because I had made it clear for him that I was in no mood for _ever_ forgiving him for his evil little joke. He had protested, saying that it had only been an April Fool's Day's trick and he had wanted to take the charm off the goat after 1st April, but when I demanded why he hadn't done so, he had replied: "Well, ya know, Albus… I was having so much fun seeing you with her… I just couldn't bring myself to spoil it…" That was when I used the slug-belching curse for the first and last time in my life. After Aberforth's bout of belching slugs had subsided, he left England, and as far as I knew, he settled down somewhere in Russia.

As for my ex-fiancée Rebecca Dawson… she married to an extremely old chap not long after she had broken up with me. As I heard she had been very unhappy in her marriage.

My heart ached for the loss of Amelia even months after the events, but I just couldn't get myself to go out to the Hogsmeade fields and visit her where she was grazing together with her goat friends. I thought I'd go mad if I had to see her again…

So I decided to do everything in my power to forget about her and all the goats. The first step was to let my beard grow so that I'd no more have a goatee.

The next step would have been giving Fawkes away to someone so that I wouldn't think of Amelia every time I glanced at the phoenix… however I couldn't find it in my heart to chuck him out… he had grown on me. So, Fawkes stayed and we became really good friends. 

The final step in the 'Forgetting Amelia Project' was to buy a Pensieve. I used it to siphon the troubling thoughts (especially myself making love to a goat) into it and that way it felt less of a burden than earlier.

Though getting to know Amelia had lots of disadvantages, it had some advantages as well: the first was Fawkes' friendship, the second was my learnt skill of turning invisible. Had I not met Amelia, perhaps I would never have volunteered to learn the trick of invisibility. It came in handy a lot of times later, for example I could use it pretty well in the battle against Grindelwald, and whenever I felt like strolling on the Hogwarts corridors without being disturbed by anyone, I could turn invisible at will. I used this ability brilliantly when I was 'visiting' Arabella Figg in her husband's house so many years ago… _sigh._ I loved Arabella, but never as much as I had loved Amelia. I tend to believe that you can only love once in your life… I mean _really_ love. There are different types of loves, and you can fall for many different women, but there's only one you can truly, deeply love. And in that 'truly, deeply' way I had loved a goat.

Damn Aberforth.

Even when Arabella's husband committed suicide upon realising that she had been cheating on him with me (and because he had got to know that she couldn't bear children), I didn't feel like proposing to her. I had nearly married twice in my life, but I had sworn: never again! 

As the years flew by, the memory of Amelia got hazier and hazier in my head, but I could never truly forget her. I had seen Sylvester Snape being replaced by Armando Dippet at the head of the school, I had seen innocent little Tom Riddle coming to study at Hogwarts, I had seen Grindelwald's defeat and little Tom's rise to power, and I had seen the fireworks showering the skies on the 31st October, 1981 when Voldemort (no more innocent and little Tommy) had been defeated by the baby Harry. Sometimes I still wonder whether sending Ollivander those two phoenix tail-feathers that Amelia had pulled out had been a good idea or not… but no use crying over spilt milk, right?

* * * * *                             * * * * *                          * * * * *

_1st April 2012 again_

"You know, you're loosing your touch…" I told Aberforth.

"Am I?"

"Yeah… this joke didn't even come close to your other one."

"But you still believed it."

"Yes… I believed it." I sighed.

"Hehe… it pretty much got your goat, didn't it, bro?" Aberforth laughed. "Hahaha… got your goooooat! Haha, what a one-liner! I just love my own sense of humour!" 

I felt like giving him a kick in the shin, but held myself back. "Very funny, indeed, brother," I snarled at him. "But you know what? You still haven't explained why you played that goat-joke on me. It happened 115 years ago and I still don't have any idea why you did it." I folded my arms before my chest, trying to give Aberforth a menacing look (I had learnt that from good ol' Sylvester Snape).

"Well, ya know…" my brother drawled, "you were so taken with the Notre Dame of Paris and Djali… I just thought you loved goats."

"I liked them… but not enough to sleep with one!" I snapped.

"ABERFORTH!" a very angry female voice shouted, and stamps of feet signalled the arrival of Minerva McGonagall, my sister-in-law. When I had had that '_are you pregnant, Minerva?'-_talk with her, she got such a shock that she needed to go up to Madame Pomfrey for a sedative. It seemed that she had finally got over the shock and had enough strength to come and tell her husband off.

"Minnie, dear?" Aberforth cringed. "Are you okay?"

As an answer Minerva's fist met with Aberforth's still intact left eye.

"_Now_ I feel okay," she hissed as my brother started rubbing his newly acquired black eye.

"You know, bro, you deserved it," I smirked.

Aberforth gave me a contemptuous look, then glanced at Minerva and made a face showing how utterly hurt he was.

"You know, I'm sorry for you two," he said. "It must be terrible to live with a total lack of sense of humour."

"A lack of sense of humour?" I breathed. "Do you call this stupid joke a sign of humour? Then you are suffering from a serious lack of judgement, brother."

"Oh, am I?" he bristled. "Just to remind you, Albus: without me this school would be the most boring place on Earth! I'm the one who brings life into this school, who provides entertainment, and what do I get in return? I'm always the bloody scapegoat!!!"

"The scape_goat_?" I sniggered and nudged Minerva. "Scapegoooooat!" Minerva joined me in the laughter and soon the corridor was filled with our guffaws.

"Ha-ha," Aberforth was eyeing us with a bitter expression. "You know, this _isn't _funny at all."

FIN 

**A/N**: if you're wondering whom Becky Dawson married, you'll be able to find out in the final chapter of TGEEF.

Thanks to those who reviewed chapter two: _septempopuli, weirdo_without_a_clue, ruffled owl, CloverWeave, Nefertiri, Lana Riddle, Aeryn Alexander, Princess Ginny, Good Charlotte's Gurl, Lioness-07863, Lupin's Angel, agnessa, ArgiCallista_

_X-Tow-Naga: _no idea what Albus made up to entertain her while he wasn't with her… feel free to imagine something ;)

_Inken:_ perhaps Albus had been to Austria and had spent some days in Oberschenkenritt? Oh yeah, Arielle… I admit, I copied her behaviour :)

_Houou:_ you wrote: "_a __wedding with a food fight, a wedding with an all out war, a wedding with people whose sanity can be questioned, a wedding that isnt really a wedding_…" Which weddings did you refer to with 'a wedding with an all out war' and 'a wedding with people whose sanity can be questioned', and also 'a wedding that isn't really a wedding'? I recognised 'wedding with a food fight' from TGSiHH, but I'm wondering what the others are.

_Shazzman:_ well, it didn't end in tears, did it? ;) But I think it was a bit bittersweet, wasn't it?

_Punky Poet:_ I believe Doris had sent an Express Owl to Becky, that's how she got the message so quickly :)

_C-chan_: I have no idea how I made up this 'phoenixes are good as cuckoo clocks'… I have weird ideas, that's all. Glad you liked my 'two feathers' explanation. 

_Red Ridding Hood_: yeah, I admit I took the name 'Who' from the Grinch, I loved that movie, Jim Carrey was so brilliant in it!

_thecrazygirl:_ I won't get book five till 21st June, so I'm jealous of you, you can get it earlier!

_heavenly182angel_: Aberforth simply cast a transfiguration charm on the goat, and 'forgot' to take it off until this chapter.


End file.
